Been Out Of My Mind For A Long Time

I’m out of my mind

going back in time

replaying the moments of youth

the fatal flaw in being outspoken

but cautious to speak

I know what to fight

and I know how

but I don’t step to front lines

no

I hope somebody else takes the shot

I’m happy just to be on the winning team

yes

bench warmer, no sooner

objective loner, part time performer

full time mourner

ridicule fills the space between my ears

and no, I’m never truly listening

my eyes are the vehicle of failure

and I replay it until the pages are watered

misery not because of slavery or starvation

but servitude to the reality that I can’t love you

the way you want me to

the hunger to be

just like you

I want to smile, for the first time

I want to be married, for the last time

and I want to be free

for all time

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