Sometimes I Pile On For No Good Reason

College classes

crinkly bus passes

don’t slide through the machine

but graduation’s the dream

so I stick it in, shove it through

like the words of pain I push by you

they were rammed in me

long before I could breathe, long before

I could see

and now I see life’s not as hard

as I thought it might be

my crippling depression crawling back

to the shithole from whence it came

and the anxiety’s shooting like the drugs

I took, losing feeling in arms and legs

I get high from the words I write and say

cause I am afraid of the outside

and the future is cause for concern

I’m gonna be a loner, aren’t I?

I don’t know how to make small talk

but I try

I don’t know how to make friends

but I try

cause nobody cares what you can’t

only what you can

some give out a helping hand

others give heaping helpings of hell

wrap it in plastic and charge a hella price

and I don’t buy it

because I make my own destiny

I don’t need equal representation

I’m represented enough by the good inside of me

that comes out in my hands and in these words

you see the gratitude inside of me

or the hate

and the violence of a past I love to remember

the angst is the my fuel and I can’t surrender

cause if I do he wins

and I don’t enjoy losing

5 thoughts on “Sometimes I Pile On For No Good Reason

  1. Wow! So much heartfelt emotion … and straight talking – ‘nobody cares what you can’t … only what you can’. So true. And, ‘I make my own destiny’ – hard, but true too. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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