I’ll Never Wonder Why

There’s never a time when I wonder
Why I became friends with you
Sure, we didn’t like each other at first
But that’s kinda the point
I don’t like everyone I meet immediately
Although I know immediately if I’d like you
Or not
And I always felt we’d come around
It took time, but any real friendship does
It took patience, but any relationship does
It took letting someone into my life
Which I rarely ever do, and that took time
So much has been stolen out of me
And so much was beaten out of me
The fact I’m even half as kind as I am
Is almost shocking
He tried to make me the monster he became
But he only finished half the job
By night I’m focused, conscious, and wordy
By day I’m focused on wandering and limiting
The words I use because after so many
The hate, the blood, and the broken comes
And there’s only so much I can swallow
Before I have to spit you back out
I’m as two-faced as anyone can be
Kind but a killer if you get too close, or too far
Sympathetic until I run out of road to run on
Honest, unless I feel you’re not ready
For my truth
Somehow you didn’t mind my differences
Correction, don’t
Because we’re still friends
And I’m glad
I guess not being around limits what you see
What’s not shown can’t be held against me
You’ll eventually figure out, and like most
You’ll try to leave before you see too much
But I hate hurting people I love
So you’ll find my bed empty
Before your heart does
 
I love, but can’t myself connect
I live, but can’t myself deflect
The past life

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