Autistic Trips Vol.1-Memory Lane

Since my job closed and Baltimore has shut down more and more businesses and functions since the rise of the COVID-19 virus, home life for me has been very slow, very quiet. Despite the sadness, confusion, and uncertainty in these troubled times, it has offered me much room for reflection and introspection. One thing that I’ve often ignored in recent years, despite the obvious awareness of its symptoms and effects on me, is my Aspergers. I’ve recently noticed some struggles that I thought I’d overcome have returned, and I realized that maybe I’d ignored my condition too long. I’ve used quite a bit of ink in recent days going back and re-living some of these issues, in the hopes that maybe I’ll dig up some newfound knowledge and maybe even kindle a new hope in turning another corner in my life.

let’s take a trip down memory lane

back before the jobs, before Brianna

before the drunken ramblings, there was pain

in the middle of endless rain, I had no Rihanna

there was no umbrella, just an avalanche

confusing signs and not enough self-love

I didn’t know if I was watching life go by

or if it was watching, waiting for me to die

I couldn’t blame it, such a tragic sickness

I was, so guilty and witless

Blaming myself for this endless perdition

There’s bad omens, and then there’s me

And in every single thing I could ever do

My sadness drained it of any life or luster

and there wasn’t a day where mustering

the slightest gasp of energy didn’t end

in a wish to perish, to cease, to be anything

but alive

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