Autistic Trips Vol.2-Layers

I can peel back layers all damn day long

My social insecurities I still carry

Weights forever stowed away in my mind

I can’t function like you, I don’t bother to try

I found a place between sadness and the lie

The vodka burns, but at least it’s quiet

Her lips feel like forever in rain soaked silence

God I love her, because she’s so damn lovely

And part of the equation that I can’t finish

Or the world has yet to answer?

Where does my autism fit in my workplace

Is it fair that I try to love her through a cage?

Reveal parts of me so she can make a whole

Though I’m scared that she’ll hate the monster

The uncut version of my life, my nightmares

What you’re used to seeing is not even me

It’s the split part of me that I adapted

Because the world could tolerate it

There’s so many of myself, I fight my reflection

Some of us come out unscathed, a few though

Don’t see the light of tomorrow

My voice comes out flat, eyes wandering

I can’t watch you work the room

Because I hardly notice you in it

My autistic self died with a knife in the back

It was never going to lead to victory

Or would it? Was I too afraid of being alone

So I murdered what made me different

Now, not only do I not have any friends

I don’t have a home

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