Autistic Trips Vol.13-My Own

I’m not completely passive or aggressive

But entirely possessive, because if I love

You better bet I cherish every part of you

I didn’t see the love that I could give

Because I believed myself incapable

Now I’m standing in the middle of a crowd

Aware, thriving, and wholly able

But I’ve been treated with such distance

I’ve been living under social distancing

All my life

I’ve always been a friend, nothing more

Not worth the commitment, not worth

The essence of time to be discovered

And rediscovered with each and every day

I’ve always been a friend, a resource of sorts

Intellectual cunning, or simply just money

As if you could ever pay for my brain

But they’d lose limbs to be inducer of my pain

She enjoys being a tease, for in the mirror

Both goddess and destroyer she simulates

Wash yourself before me as Bathsheba

To keep me fixated

Rather than someone who is truly devoted

Wait, does she even exist?

Someone who doesn’t play both sides

Someone that I could call

My girl

Someone who doesn’t see long distances

As an obstacle, but instead motivation

To search ourselves even deeper

In the shallows there is love to be found

And distances provide a pond to reflect

That which we are is magnified

So that when we are together

There is nothing, and everything, to be learned

Absence may not only make my heart fonder

But my hands and lips stronger

So when we’re together again

It’s as if we’ve been intimate

Since the Ruach Hakodesh breathed over Nut

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