Somebody Loved

I’ve walked down this road before

Through my creaky, fucked up mind

Down the rickety staircase

Pale green eyes stare, furry tail waggles

But I’m not interested in cuddling

I want vengeance

My dad told me I’d always be nothing

Family friends found me socially repulsive

My outdoor graces still need tuning

But I’ve got my ear to the door again

I hear what you won’t say to my face

And I’ve seen that place

Cried every single day

The years I lost, I can hardly explain

Most days I fail to recognize where I went

But I wanted out, so I went outside

My shoes were threadbare, my sweater

Had seen too many winters

But as the pale, icy crystals fell on my face

Lungs working hard to carry me northwards

And the entire neighborhood fell silent

My heart leapt out of my chest

All my life I had felt unwanted, undesirable

Yet the Earth let me breathe

Every day was assisted suicide, I hated life

Yet could not die

Somewhere I mattered, somehow I could live

In between the sickening realization

That somebody loved me

I had sat down on clean snow drift

Never colder, never less alive

Than in that moment I decided

Somebody did love

Me

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